How are you coping with the school holidays?

Hello again,

Another week as gone by and now we are in the first week of August…and well into the school summer holidays. This can be both a pleasurable and challenging time for parents as keeping children occupied over the 6-8 week break can test even the most patient of us.
Now we’ve met a lot of new people and families this summer at La Platriere, some staying with us a while, whilst others have stopped over breaking up their journey to and from their holiday destination…

Despite being busy, there’s been a ‘holiday’ atmosphere to the place…and I’ve also found time to finish a book I’d started a month or two ago, called ‘A Home for Rose” by John Katz. It’s about his life on a remote farm and what’s interesting is how becomes aware of his own self growth as his dogs (border collies) teach him to be a better human being…
This got me thinking how true this is – having 2 dogs myself (both borders too incidentally) and reminded me how we can learn so much from our relationships with others…

I hold the view that all relationships are living feedback to us… they mirror who we are, warts and all. They also challenge and teach us how to become better human beings.

Take for instance children…

Many people think that as adults, our job is to teach children and their job is to learn. To a certain extent this is true. It is our job as adults to prepare our children for adulthood and to become responsible citizens. However, if we are open to it, we can learn so much about ourselves from our children.

Being a parent is probably one of the biggest if not the biggest challenges we face. They show us areas within ourselves that we need to improve, such as self-control, patience and forgiveness to name just a few.

I can recall times when I was quick tempered, tired and irritable with my children, and as a result did not treat them with respect, and acted unfairly towards to them. Afterwards, I would feel guilt and sorrow that I had lost my temper. My behaviour was not unusual as most commonly us humans, when feeling grouchy take it out on those we love, then regret it like mad afterwards.

The question to ask ourselves when we feel frustrated with their behaviour is why? Why does it affect me this way? Maybe it’s because we feel powerless in that moment or maybe they have triggered a feeling of inadequacy or simply it’s because we just are feeling too tired. It could be that we don’t know of any other way of behaving. It can also mean that we feel hurt or rejected. Often it’s because we are repeating patterns set by our own parents when we were children.

Once you realise what it is, you then have the choice to either deal with whatever quality you need to work on, or carry on as before. If you do decide to take up the challenge to improve yourself and become more conscious in your relationships instead of unconsciously reacting to situations, you will also be ‘teaching’ your children a new model of how to deal with things thereby breaking ‘old cycles’ of behaviour which may have been going on for several generations. What a legacy to leave behind.

The other great ‘gift’ you can teach your children is the ability to ask for forgivingness. This means more than just saying sorry, it means looking them in the eye and explaining why you felt the way you did – honestly, taking full responsibility for your behaviour. In asking your children to forgive your grouchiness, you are preparing them to be honest responsible adults, who are likely to have less emotional baggage because they have not been blamed as children for your weaknesses.

None of us are perfect…

But if we listen and act to feedback from our relationships with others, we can grow into being better human beings…and create a better future for our world.

Until the next time

Success and happiness,

Will the real Jackie Hill step forward please…

What a lovely week, the sun is shining and I don’t know about you but I’m expecting something fantastic to happen this week… I don’t know what it will be yet, but I’m living in anticipation and expectation…

I’ve just spent a lovely 2 weeks with my best friend and her husband. I say she is my best friend but we are more like sisters than friends. It’s as though there is a bond there that is like we are family…

I’ve chosen to ponder today on the subject of identity.

When asked “who are you” most people answer according to their job, or other status. For example; I could say I’m a writer, or a life coach, or I might want to say I run a retreat in France, or even I’m a wife and mother. I may even want to define myself according to my beliefs or religion. But the real question is do I know who I am?

To scratch a little deeper I may think about myself in other socially created categories, for example, I am white, British, coming from a working class background, state education and so on. My family identity would be included within this…

But the question remains…

Do I know who I am? The essence of me must be deeper than the roles I fill in life, the communities I live in, the clothes I wear, the car I drive, where I live, and even my ancestral background and roots…

There is no doubt that all these things are important to me, but do they adequately answer the question “Who am I”

It feels to me that we all seek to find an answer to this question on some level. This is why we like categories and labels. And it just doesn’t stop with roles and social groupings. We also label our personalities, abilities and our health…

So often I meet people everywhere who see and describe themselves in terms of their medical labels; asthmatics, anorexics, diabetics, etc, their personality labels, bi-polar, personality disorder, ADHD, etc, their behaviour labels alcoholics, gamblers, smokers, delinquents, and even their abilities; dyslexics, word blindness, disabled.

It seems to me if we can categorise and label ourselves then it answers the question “Who am I”

Or does it?

 The truth is that we all are the same, yet also different. We all have differing personalities and desires, but deep down we all have the same basic needs: to be recognized, valued, and loved.

Whether you are the top surgeon at the hospital, or the guy who clears the streets of our rubbish – you are unique, special and important. Whether you are a female MP or a single parent with 5 kids living on benefits – you are unique, special and important. Whether you are a famous bestselling writer, or a young offender – you are unique, special and important. Whether you are a drug counselor or a drug user – you are unique, special and important.
Whoever you are, you are not defined by what you do, or by what label you choose to wear – you are unique, special and important.

I started a journey a few years back now to find out who I really am.

I am more than a woman, mother, wife, sister, grandparent, a business person, friend, carer, etc… and yet I am all these things and more. I am a unique, special and important. I have been put here on this earth to fulfill a purpose that gives meaning to my existence. As I believe so are each one of us…Each one of us has a purpose and all unique gifts to fulfill that purpose. Living for that purpose brings completeness and happiness that is beyond the happiness gained through materialism, career, and relationships can bring. Its inner peace and joy.

Are you willing to look beyond all the roles, social categories and labels that society and others have used to define you, and seek the deeper truth of who you really are? Are you ready to connect with those parts of yourself that have been laid by the wayside? Are you ready to find those parts of you that were lost and stunted in growth from childhood, to nurture them and grow in the person you actually are? Are you ready to dump the fears and negative beliefs and labels of who you mistakenly believe yourself to be?

It’s an interesting journey – this journey of life…Trust yourself and get to know who YOU are

 Until the next time

Success and Happiness

Time to…wake up and smell the coffee?

My message this week is on a rather a rather uncomfortable subject, but I believe it is relevant to all of us, and is the major reason why there is a global economic crisis in the world today, why there is so much suffering in the world today, and why there is so much family breakdown, divorce, illness and unhappiness.

Societies suffer from it, families suffer from it, couples suffer from it and individuals suffer from it – and it is called selfishness.

Selfishness I believe is the number one major illness that our souls suffer from.

Think about it for a moment…

Many people come to me because they feel life has become too complicated, and that nothing seems to be going right for them. It might be they are trying really hard to fix a situation, may be in their marriage or a relationship in their family, or maybe it’s a career situation, or a even a health situation, and yet the harder they try, the more frustrated and disappointed they become because whatever they seem to do remains unresolved.

I can really understand and appreciate where they are coming from and empathise with their feelings, however, the answer is usually because we as human beings, like things to be done our way. It’s what “I” want and it’s about what “I feel”.

But what is our way?

From an early age we are conditioned by society to a set of rules that govern our lives that things should be done in certain ways. For example, that it is necessary to do well at school, go to university, get good grades, may be a degree, do a high paying job, own a nice house, a nice car, make something of ourselves and be successful.

The attainment of material assets is an outward sign of our success… owning the latest technology, gadgets, bigger and wider TV screens, bigger houses, expensive cars, the list is endless and ever growing.

We develop beliefs that attaining these goals are necessary for our lives and the lives of our children, and spend our lives striving to achieve them. We may put pressure on our children to keep up the standard so we can be proud of them. We compare ourselves with others as a way of measuring our success. As we pursue this quest we put pressure on ourselves, our children, our families and so on.

And if…

we are unsuccessful we may feel a failure, that we’re just not good enough. May be even low sense of self worth or value. Feeling one of life’s victims, believing that we’ve only the crumbs left by others in life.

And…

if we do achieve these goals, where does it stop, for there is always another mountain to climb? We may end up constantly driven to achieve more and more. The more we attain the less satisfied we become, because the other man’s grass is always greener, and because the cost of getting there has an impact on our personal relationships, and leisure time.

This constant hunger to be satisfied causes mankind to be greedy and particularly greedy for power. This is what causes wars, corrupt governments, poverty, crime and the depletion of the Earth’s resources.
You see the truth is that society’s idea of a ‘perfect life’ isn’t about living; it’s about trying to make a living. This is why so many people have a sense of “incompleteness” and believe that their lives are so complex. The truth is that their perspective of ‘self-worth’ and value has become distorted and that’s why they can’t resolve their problems, and end up feeling frustrated and disappointed.

Reality is just your perception of things and not necessarily the truth. You can choose to have a different perspective to the one society has given you. In an argument with your spouse, shift your perception and focus on what the other person is feeling rather than centre on your own; as a parent stop telling your child what they ‘should’ do, instead enable them to explore their own creativity; at work become a servant leader, rather than an ambitious servant to the corporate; and give to others first and your own needs will be met.
Society conditions us to become like robots, teaching us that life is a constant power struggle to maintain control… the truth is this form of control is not real control at all –  it’s about being controlled.

Maybe it’s time to get off the hamster wheel…

Until the next time

Success and Happiness

The age of the mind…

Hi there,

Yesterday I wrote this week’s free newsletter, Jackie Hill’s News and Views, and felt really prompted to share some of the content with you on today’s blog post…

As a hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner now for many years, I have found that many of the people that come to see me usually have some physical problem that is related to the presenting issue that they’ve come to see me about… and as a result I’ve been directly involved in using hypnosis as a way of healing those physical conditions.

Those of you familiar with hynotherapy and NLP will not be surprised by this, and indeed if you are a practitioner yourself you will know how the mind and body are integrated.  Most people understand this also, particularly if they consider how stress affects the body… and how stress can be controlled by tricking the mind into believing the body is not stressed – deep breathing is a classic way of controlling this as it triggers the vagus nerve which runs from the brain stem to an area in the abdomen which switches on “relaxation”…Likewise, when we activate the “stress response” (often called the ‘flight or fight response” our breathing quickens, hence our heart rate increases and the chemical reaction within our body enables us to cope under pressure…and we all know how too much stress over a long period of time can lead to serious physical problems.

I could go on and write more about this, but then I’d be distracting from what I wrote about in my newsletter which I want to share with you today. As a therapist I have a strong belief that with the renewing of our mind-set our bodies can heal themselves…Imagine that… a world where we use our minds to heal our bodies!

Let me explain myself…

I was really pleased to discover an article in the Guardian recently that reported that approximately 50% of doctors in Germany are prescribing a Placebo treatment (basically sugar pills) to their patients, unbeknown to them, particularly for treatment of stomach problems, colds and depression. Interestingly they discovered that over 60% of their patients were helped by this intervention. The report stated  that there were some areas of Germany where GPs use placebo treatment more than others, (Bavaria for instance was reported as stating that up to 88% of their treatments are placebo) which not only seemed to have a positive effect on their patients, but also saved huge amounts of money as well!

This news is no surprise to me… after all the ‘placebo effect’ as it is commonly known has been well documented in numerous studies and research since 1955 – my favourite of which was with a group of cancer patients. In this study, half the group was treated with chemotherapy and the other half with a placebo. All the people taking part in the study were told that they were receiving chemotherapy. Not surprisingly the group that was actually receiving chemotherapy presented all the usual side effects of the treatment, such as sickness, hair loss and so on. What is interesting is that every single person within the group which received the placebo also experienced the same side effects, as though they had received the chemotherapy… (this phenonomen is just not possible by taking sugar pills). The results were conclusive… because they believed they were receiving chemotherapy, their body reacted as though they had…

Now you would think something like this would be good news… music to our ears in fact! Because it shows that our minds are capable and in fact do reset and restore our bodies. Consider for a moment if you break a leg or other bone… or cut yourself… your brain automatically sends messages to your body to produce and send the relevant blood cells with healing agents to stop you from bleeding to death. All without a thought or intervention from you. A surgeon may set the leg so that it heals straight, or perform an operation, but your body will heal itself. Occasionally we may have to give support to our body through changing our mind-set, for we know through bio feedback that a positive mind-set has different brainwave frequencies than a negative mind-set.

So why isn’t there more talk more about the impact of the placebo effect in the medical world? Especially in light of placebos performance in a significant number of cases supersedes that of pharmaceutical drug results. Why doesn’t the medical councils consider this option  particularly when considering the high cost to local GP surgeries for the supply of drugs….? I’m asking why placebo treatment isn’t treated as a first option, and if there is not improvement in the patient’s condition then prescribe drug treatment, for most of us accept that every drug has some risk attached to it – I know several people who take a drug cocktail that has nothing to do with the initial problem, but are prescribed to counteract the side effects of the treatment drug!

I ‘m shocked to read recently that prescriptions for anti-depressants are rising at a phenomenal rate in the UK (which seems the medical response to the stress effects of economic recession in people’s lives). Particularly in light of a new study published recently, which is sure to set off another storm in the ongoing debate about the widespread prescription of antidepressants. In this study, Professor Irving Kirsch at the University of Hull and colleagues in the US and Canada report that new generation ‘SSRI’ antidepressants like Prozac or Seroxat mostly fall, “below the recommended criteria for clinical significance” (Kirsch et al. 2008). In other words, these modern drugs prescribed for depression generally don’t work.

So you can see why am I horrified at all this?

I am not denying that medical progress has saved lives and that in some cases drugs are necessary and do help… however, I feel we are at a crossroads…

I believe we have now entered the “age of the mind”… we are discovering more and more about the immense power of the mind – even though we don’t yet fully understand how it works, we know that it does work…

Take the placebo effect… no one knows how it works…other than it has something to do with what a person believes… If a person believes that a specific drug will help them recover; does it mean that the drug actually helps them recover or is it their belief in the drug that helps them recover? The placebo effect suggests it’s the latter.

You see, the subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between reality and fantasy…

Norman Cousins said “Drugs are not always necessary, but belief in recovery always is”.

Thus being the case; our starting place is then our core belief system…and where belief is concerned, you and I cannot be neutral… for even disbelief is a form of belief.

This brings us back to the beginning of this week’s newsletter…. Belief is the secret of whether you receive success or failure…

My monthly Ezine – “Nulli Sekondus – 2nd to None” this month explores the power of belief, and the hold that limiting or mistaken beliefs have over us, stopping us achieving the things we want in our lives, in areas such as our health, our success, our career or business, our relationships and our finances. I have included some ways of how you can identify these beliefs, some of which you may not realize you have, and how you can release them and rid them from your life – so enabling you to move forward achieving your potential… believe it or not your inner beliefs are the key to unlocking and unfolding your future. If you want to know more about the power of belief in your life and want to subscribe to my monthly Ezine which takes a topic each month and includes an MP3 download,  you can find more details by clicking on this link

http://forms.aweber.com/form/52/339814452.htm
Now before I go, I want to leave you with this thought from Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 BC,

“Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it”

More sugar anyone?

Success and Happiness

PS Want to sign up for my free newsletter “Jackie Hill’s News and Views” then click on this link  http://forms.aweber.com/form/14/1066291914.htm

Some more video tips to help you quit smoking

I hope you enjoyed the 4 video tips I uploaded yesterday from YouTube… I thought I would add today some more that I uploaded the other week… taking you through to tip number 9… I hope they are of some benefit to you. Remember if you have any questions about stopping smoking or need any specific help – do fill in the comment box below and I’ll get back to you on this page…

Video tips to help you quit smoking

A short while ago I uploaded some You Tube videos offering tips on quitting smoking. If this is an area you’re struggling with then you might find them useful so I’ve put them here on todays blog…

Don’t forget to add some comments, or maybe specific questions you may have in stopping smoking… and I’ll answer them as best as I can…

 

 

Getting off to a good start

The New Year…

I am writing this sitting in my dining room, looking out through the French doors across the garden and the fields beyond. I can’t see the horizon this morning as in the distance there is a mist that obscures the view. On a clear day I can see approximately 15 miles or so, other villages, a chateaux, woods and fields, as I look across the valley. Today, they are all cloaked, but even though I can’t see them I know they are there.

This has got me thinking…

About the year ahead and the future. Here we are having reached another milestone, in this first month of 2011. Regardless if we recognize it or not, this is the time of the year when traditionally we review the past, what worked for us, what didn’t and make decisions about the future. But like the view through the glass of my doors, I can only see so far…

Whether we throw ourselves fully into the celebrations or whether we spend it quietly, all of us in one way or another have to come to terms with the fact that time passes and the passing of one year into the next is a landmark for us all.

You and I can choose to avoid making changes. We can avoid looking back over the past year, (or decade) and hide from taking an honest look at ourselves and our life, and we can venture on in the New Year and the future doing pretty much the same as we have done before. I suspect many people will do just that this year… or maybe start out with an intention to make changes but it all fizzles out by the end of January. But I believe if we choose this path of avoidance, we are listening to a prevalent fear which says that your life isn’t worth much so why bother. A fear that stops you from really looking at your life, because you’ll see your failings, and if you really look at your failings then you’ll feel so uncomfortable that you won’t be able to deal with it. A fear that if you really look at yourself you won’t like yourself, and so why should anyone else.

Allowing this fear to rule your life, means that aspirations and dreams are for others not you, for your hopes and dreams for the future are futile and worthless. You’ve made your bed, now lie on it, and if you can find something to deaden the pain all well and good because life in the future is pretty bleak.

I urge you to awaken yourself from complacency, and face this fear. Take hold of courage and take a risk today and have a hard look at your life, and stop having a narrow view of yourself and others. Today is a fresh start, a new beginning, and reach out for the goals that lie ahead and achieve your dream. Allow yourself choice, and make the decision that this year IS the year you’ll succeed, whatever your goal, and encourage and support others to do the same

I am there with you, my friend. I too am reviewing my life, the way I behave, my attitude, my thoughts, my dreams and aspirations. Some of it isn’t easy to face, and quite painful. But if I am to rebuild my temple then I need to know what bits I need to tear down and throw away, I need to know what seeds to sow, and I need to get the foundation right, so that everything I build on top lasts, and lastly but by no means least I need to have a vision of what it will look like when its finished. I have made up my mind that this is a year of real growth. I am taking a serious look at where I am and what I’m doing. I am in control and I am no longer letting life intimidate me. I have finished with dreaming, I am making plans to bring those dreams I have into reality. I am declaring that 1.1.11 is the start of something new and amazing in my life.

As I look through the glass at the view, although I can’t see what’s in the distance, I know its there, and I know that if I walk towards it, the mist will clear enough for me see a little more and enable me to walk further and further.

This New Year is a new day. It is an opportunity to remake and improve you. If you want help in how you will attain your goals, and avoid falling into the same traps that caught you in the past, then why not subscribe to my monthly Ezine, Nulli-Sekondus – 2nd to None. That’s right that’s you – you are second to none, you are unique and special (details are on the form on this blog) This months issue is all about the power of our thoughts and language we use. Showing you how you can re-train your thoughts and how you express them to the world. With it you’ll also receive an MP3 download with mind-set meditations to find out what it is that you really, really want for your future, how to receive inspiration, and how to focus on the benefits of that change.

At this new birth of a new year, I wish you all “bon courage” – which means good courage – in all that you do.

Until the next time,

Success and happiness